Fools
by CourtyardGarden
Summary: Fighting at a very young age has left the pilots with serious mental issues. Especially Duo and Heero seem to have a long hard road in front of them.
1. Prelude

A/N: Some people say, writing is the best way to revise old stuff - like unpleasant memories - in your head and then get rid of it. Well, I certainly won't get rid of my memories like this. But it helps to look at things from a different angle. I leave it to your imagination to decide what is fact and what is fiction. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me anyways. :-P :-D By the way, I'm planning on writing a ridiculous number of chapters. But before I can do that, I need to know your opinion about my choice of AU. I felt like fitting my personal experience into the Gundam universe, but the story would work without that, too. The boys only would certainly do. ;-) My life could give the plot quite some interesting cliffhangers. ;-) But have mercy, please, if it takes me some time to post updates. Real life is rather busy... And this is my first fic! ^ ^ R&amp;R PLEASE! 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam-boys. *sigh*

Warnings: Yaoi, AU, OOC, Duo POV (changes possible), angst, language, mental disorders, alcoholism

Pairings: 2x1, 3x4, 5x? (scanning my memories for a good OC) changes possible!

Fools Prelude

What a nightmare! I think, I got my first grey hair that night... As if I hadn't told him! Like about a million freaking times! I could do this, I told myself. Well, I had to, since I didn't want to lose him and/or my sanity. But I should have seen it coming, right? I knew about the side affects. Basically, the usual stories everybody hears of once in their life. That alcohol makes you do and say stupid things. Well, much later I would see stupid as a complete understatement. Then there was the all-time-hit 'Alcohol can be addictive!'. But besides couple of pretty scary signs of withdrawal one morning in his old apartment, I hadn't encountered anything like this with Heero.

Well, THIS happened on a late evening in February on the second floor of our little house. He was pissed nearly everyday then. We had had one of our daily fights with the consistent result of no result at all. To any outsider it must have looked like we were trying to slowly drive each other insane. Heero had gone up to take a nap - as usual - and I had retreated to our tiny living room to sit and cry in silence. I had to think about many things, whenever I sat there at the low table, my face buried in my hands, feeling utterly alone and useless. Some thoughts concluded that the only way to deal with all this was to cross the train truck not far from our house - with bars closed. Others suggested taking up on drinking myself. The latter made me laugh at times, though. For their joke-of-fate-ness.

After what felt like hours, I finally got to my feet. I just had to go and try one more time to talk some sense into this guy, no matter the outcome. As I walked the short distance between table, staircase and the first step up, I felt I should hurry. Not really easy, if you have big Caucasian feet, while the steps are made for tiny Asian ones. I took the stairs in three long steps and stood before the closed sliding door. It was creepy. Like there was some green monster in there. Yeah, Hulk had come to visit us! Ok, that was flat, but it served its purpose - encouragement... There was rattling on the other side. He was awake, it seemed. More creepiness. I had been expecting him to be sleeping like a dead man. I opened the door halfway and was presented with the reason for my suspicion. Heero was on his futon on all fours. He was patting his pillow as if looking for something he obviously couldn't find. The windows had been shuttered, making the room completely dark. Only the light from the stairway somewhat illuminated it.

"What are you doing there?" I asked him. Heero didn't answer. I sat knelt down in front of him, grabbing one of his hands, and asked again, "Heero, what the hell are you doing there?" He froze, but didn't look up.

"Duo?" his voice sounded hoarse and slurred, "'M lookin' for the light switch." I followed his unspoken request, got up and turned the Japanese-style ceiling lamp on. But that didn't seem to satisfy him. Still not looking up, he continued to fumble around.

"Well, you can stop looking for it now. I think, it's bright enough like this." That should have been his line, since I wasn't all that stingy about utilities.

"What d' you mean? Can't see anything," he protested.

I waved my hand in front of his face. And he was right. Shit! Damn shit! My eyes nearly popped out of my face at that realization. This was joke, I told myself. And a bad one at that. This couldn't be happening! I grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Heero?" my voice became louder, "I'm right here. In front of you!"

I thought he was shivering, and suddenly realized that I was the one shaking like a leaf. I took my hands away to rest on one and ran the other over my face. I could do this, I told myself. But apparently, my mind had other plans. The exaggerating side of me saw its chance and took over. A horrifying scenario danced before my eyes - Heero crying at a doctor's office, Heero never regaining his eyesight again, blind and devastated Heero hit by a car, the others and I standing by his grave... No, wait! Stop!

"Hey!" a small voice said, "I'm not deaf yet."

Oh, so I had said that aloud again. Great... Heero grinned at me. Obviously, he wasn't bothered by this at all. I couldn't decide whether to pity or to envy him. His level of ignorance was mind-blowing. Since I was the only sober person in the house now, I had to make all important decisions. And I had to carry full responsibility, too. Awesome... For a short moment I asked myself, why I was putting up with any of this. I wished my sorry ass to somewhere very far away. Why not a different dimension? But one without alcohol! Unfortunately, there was no time for wishful thinking now. What was I to do? We couldn't go to any doctor in town without Heero making a scene and fighting with any treatment with tooth and nail. The best way for now seemed to try and show him how dangerous this was. Had he finally caused irreversible damage?

TBC

Note: My first fanfic EVER! R&amp;R please!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Sorry a thousand times for the delay! I've been trying! Really! Since posting the previous part! But real life is just too busy...

Thanks a lot to the guest, who've reviewed my story! My fist review! Muahahahahaha! ^ ^ And thank you to all the readers, who spent their precious time! Sorry for the many mistakes! I'm writing this on my husband's smartphone. Usually with a sleeping toddler on my lap...

So here comes the next part! The real beginning, actually. Right now I'm really wondering where this story is heading. To fit my own life in there somehow, I had to come up with so many new details. My head is spinning, really!

Oh, and this is rather raw and might be edited a few times the next couple of days. I just couldn't wait any longer..

For those, who've been waiting for the next part of Heero's little adventure of bad side effects - sorry! Of course, the story will reach there, eventually, but not before part 5 or 6.  
R&amp;R PLEASE! 3

And I'm looking for a beta! 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam-boys. *sigh*

Warnings: Yaoi, AU(a little), OOC, Duo POV (changes possible), angst, language, mental disorders, addiction

Pairings: 2+1 (well, for now... ;-) ), 3x4, 5x? (looking for a good match)

Song for this chapter: 'Business, yeah', The Preatures

Fools Part 1

What exactly defines the term 'adult'? Having to make a living by oneself? No, I've seen enough kids doing exactly that. Becoming parents? No, there were more teenage-mothers on L2 than those of age. Ah! That must be it! Being legally of age! But what does the Encyclopedia Britannica say? "Adulthood, the period in the human lifespan in which full physical and intellectual maturity have been attained. Adulthood is commonly thought of as beginning at age 20 or 21 years." 'Commonly', okay. And around age 20. What if someone has the physical maturity, but not the mental one? And the other way around? What if 'commonly' doesn't apply?

There is a term called 'adult children'. Thousands of books have been written about it. It usually results from dysfunctional families. But what if there wasn't even a family? It is one of the most significant features of a person suffering from problems the like, not to realize they actually do have a problem. And that has always been the pathway for greater tragedies; the problem is there and you can almost smell it. But you can't really get the whole picture. It's all blurry and weird and you just tell yourself that it's not there. Because your whole world would fall apart the moment you really saw it.

What should I say? Of course, a lot of people have called me crazy ever since my starting anything close to friendship with Heero 'poker face' Yuy. The machine in human disguise. Their words, not mine. They knew so little about him. But pathetic people say pathetic things. Yes, he did have trouble expressing emotions, but he wasn't the only one. War and brainwashing do that to you. Especially the kind of battles we had to fight. Not to mention our young age back then. And yes, Heero took the easiest but shittiest escape one could take. The crazy thing was that, even though his training had made him immune to nearly all kinds of advanced stimulants, it couldn't protect him from developing an addiction to drugs of the rather ordinary kind.

It's not like we hadn't made our 'special' experiences after long hours in the battlefield. With various popular 'candies' from the local dealer's tackle box. Byebye war, hello lalaland! Well, non of those ever had any real effect on Heero. Who knows what J might have been giving him. He never seemed to need our 'candies'. Maybe being in battle mode was his high back then. But Trowa and Wufei had smoked quite a variety of stuff by the day the gundams had gotten destroyed.

The real problems surfaced during those first years after the war. When all of us were trying hard to blend into society - going to university, getting a job, building a life of some sort.

As Gundam pilots, we had certain privileges. But none of us wanted to make use of them, if it wasn't extremely necessary. We wanted to stand on our own respective two feet.

Quatre didn't need any backup like that, anyways. He was a Winner and therefore a fully accepted member of society and the business world. To the latter he was something like their crown prince. But people, who were close to him, knew that he wasn't going to succeed his father's empire. He had other things on his mind. Like the mind in general, for instance.

Trowa had decided to make his more constructive skills from the battlefield his profession. He didn't want to go back to the circus. Helping people in medical distress seemed so much more interesting. And he had decided that life was better with Quatre around.

Wufei's little episode at preventers' had lasted for almost exactly two years, when a huge fight with Sally caused him to take an unpaid leave. They didn't want to talk about it to anyone. After that Wufei vanished for nearly six months, only to resurface as a dealer of antique swords. Nothing else could have suited him any better. He also returned to the preventers, but not as an agent. He became an instructor for special agents and only worked couple of times a month.

Heero and I seemed to be the only two, who couldn't really get a grip on things. Don't get me wrong, we tried! Hard! But, well, maybe self-deception catches up on you at some point...

Relena had always had a very strong influence on Heero. Even more so after the war. I know, life can change you for the better, given the right environment, but boy, had this guy changed! Relena even convinced him to go to university. With Heero's brains, I didn't doubt a second that he would succeed in what ever goal he would have set for himself. But Relena didn't want to accept the fact that her hero was anything but the glorious, perfect, white knight she saw in him. He was as battered and broken as any of us, even though it didn't show all that much. That glare could cover up a lot. And it can shut up possible inquiries rather quickly.

And girls likes that dirty look, anyways. Which they constantly deny. A thing I'll never ever be able to comprehend. Nada, zero, nope. I mean, they ask for a trowel to spend their lives with, but demand a Kalashnikov in bed? Never mind.

Unfortunately, Heero's brains were the main problem. Being the total perfectionist that he was, he kept his plans about studying an absolute secret. Nobody was supposed to witness his insecurities when it came to 'normal' life. Public display of weakness unacceptable. He went to earth under a new secret alias and didn't reveal it to anyone. Not even to us. In other words, we didn't know shit about where his university was, where he lived or how to contact him besides writing e-mails to fake-accounts. I gave in to my curiosity once and tried to trace him down. I failed. Of course. This was Yuy after all. And beside that, I thought he wouldn't take my invading his privacy very well. Not after making so much effort to cover his every step. It hurt in a strange way. Back then I couldn't place it any other than hurt pride and betrayal of friendship - which was tough enough!

And beside just being goddamn stupid, it showed how off we all were. Anybody else would have taken the guy and brought him to his senses, kicking his ass in the process. But here we were, tiptoeing around the issue. Nobody wanted to be the first to address sensitive topics, as they could easily backfire and bring you out of your own little comfort zone. It must have looked so pathetic to anybody watching it from the outside. But objectivity was something most families lacked. And we were most likely the strangest little family in existence.

We met each other quite often when things had calmed down a bit after the Barton-stunt and it was a little safer to show ourselves in public. Mostly disguised. You never knew, who might cross your way and people hadn't forgotten our faces yet. If ever.

Unfortunately, Heero didn't take part in most of those reunions. Only once a year, at one of Quatre's estates on earth for the New Year's Eve party, Mr. Yuy would grace us with an entire week of his presence. He kept refusing to reveal his whereabouts between our gatherings. Only his occasional job as Relena's bodyguard was a known fact. And her schedule wasn't something he could hide.

Whenever one of us felt lucky and tried to get some tiny hints, Heero's 'no' was as solid as gundanium. But maybe, we weren't really all that enthusiastic about making him talk? I think, I've mentioned the tiptoeing before? Never mind...

He seemed to be getting okay back then. Normal even. Damn, he even started to laugh about my silly jokes. I had never seen him smile and talk as much as he did at Quatre's thirty-meter-dining-table. His sisters joined us either on Christmas or New Year's, as they had their own parties to attend. And the former perfect soldier charmed enough smiles and giggles out of them to shame a rock star's fanclub at a backstage event. I swear, each time Heero said more words in one day than he ever had from our first meeting to the end of the last war. Yes, the changes were apparent and numerous.

Wufei, Trowa and I usually stayed at Quatre's for about ten days starting the day before Christmas Eve. Every year at a different estate. And it was really nice. We could be ourselves and talk about the past without hesitation. It was like we all left our lives at the doorstep like a coat, and put it back on when we left again.

Heero seemed so smart and flawless. The perfect soldier as the perfect scholar. But I couldn't get my head around the idea of Heero as the talkative gentleman. It felt odd. Like an act. A perfect act. I tried to dismiss feelings like that whenever they came up, convincing myself that it was some kind of stupid jealousy. And maybe I really was a little jealous. Maybe that I still didn't know how to fix the puzzle I called my life, while things miraculously fell into place for him. Or that my skills in polite conversation usually lacked the certain something that his, apparently, didn't. Or that he had new friends out there I didn't know. Okay, scratch 'a little'. But I would never have held it against him. I just envied him in a brotherly way.

On a day in May - five years after Mariemaia's little freak show - Heero's graduation day finally came. But, of course, none of us could be there to see his ceremony. I tried to talk him into a little party, with only the five of us, to celebrate him at least a little bit. He tried to decline it, but I was more stubborn than he could ever be. Let the others tiptoe around this one. I wasn't going to let him escape so easily this time!

So we flocked together - actually, Gundam pilots can't just 'meet' in public - at a small bar in Harlem, New York, called 'Harlem Food Bar'. Well, not the most creative naming, but it was a nice place with funny green furniture, graffiti-style paintings on the walls and very tasty fries. At least Heero claimed they were good, when he chose this place for his party. He had always been a fan of the Big Apple. A good thing, since he had to escort Relena there at least every two months. In my humble opinion, the small bar in Harlem seemed to suit him much better than any of the establishments Quatre had insisted on. Even the cheapest place on his list served Champaign and caviar...

"Congratulations, Heero!" we said in chorus, and our glasses clashed as we toasted the most important person of the evening.

"Their fries ain't good, they're awesome!" I exclaimed, helping myself to another mouth full of pure manna. Fries had always been my weak spot. "A revelation in oil and starch!" I cheered while munching. "I don't think, I've ever had any better stuff!"

"I'm glad you like them" Heero said with a sly grin. "Wait till you've tried their burgers." He looked a little tired. Not eye-circle-tired, but his posture spoke of exhaustion. Though, that wasn't really surprising. After all, he had just passed a long list of - most likely pretty tough - exams.

"So, how was the ceremony like? Did you throw your cap?" asked Quatre, smiling one of his famous 'sunbeams'. I think, the room became a couple of lux brighter.

Trowa smirked at him, asking, "Anybody becoming naked on stage?" Quatre's face turned an interesting color and Wufei rolled his eyes. Not that he disapproved of the other two's relationship. Sometimes they were just showing too much PDA for his taste. Including Trowa's teasing about exposed skin and certain bedtime-activities, when ever he had a drink or two too many. And his non-existent sense of privacy as a result. Who would have known that guy could be that dig-driven in public?! I hadn't seen him drinking anything before we met up with Heero and Wufei at the bar's porch.

"Well, it was busy and everybody was excited," came Heero's reply with a small smile.

Trowa gave him a curious look and asked, "Who is 'everybody'? Or better where? Are we finally allowed to know your little secret?"

Well, there went the politeness and caution. I think I saw them run for cover behind a bottle of 'Jack Daniel's old No. 7'. What was wrong with Trowa? Maybe the guy's newly evolving sociability was running riotthat night? I told myself that would have to have a little chat with him. But even being as irritated as I was, the same questions had popped up in my head, too.

Heero's shoulders tensed slightly. His smile didn't fade, though.

"Of course, you are my friends." he said successfully avoiding the last question. He started with a more apologetic tone, "I wanted to do this on my own." Heero's hands clasped a bottle of some old-school European beer. I think, it read 'Andechser'. "Without anybody's help. I thought you'd understand my wishes." His grip tightened, turning his knuckles oddly pale.

This was becoming rather awkward. I hadn't expected Heero to be that sensitive about the issue. On New Year's he would have changed the topic with a smile and a joke. Or he would have promised a revelation some time in the future. Something was different. A little voice in the back of my head asked who - "the hell?!" - had come up with the stupid idea of bringing the whole pack instead of talking to Heero in private first?! Another voice simply stated that Barton's ass was going to hit rock bottom! And a third one wanted to drown the previous two in booze, as the whole idea had clearly been mine.

I looked over to Quatre. He should have had the much better perception. That night, unfortunately, he was completely dumbfounded by Trowa's bluntness. I had the strong feeling that casa de Winner was not going to be Senor Barton's best choice of accommodation after this little event.

I pushed my luck and tried to save the situation, "Are you really going to Japan for a backpacker's trip?" Heero looked at me, obviously grateful for my changing the subject. "Must be nice to finally see the country of your ancestors."

"I hope so. I've been trying to find out more about my parents in the old OZ-database." He started to play with the coaster under his beer bottle. "I might," he said, paused and started again, "I might have found my mother." He looked at the bar and waved a hand to get somebody to our - now very quiet - table.

When a guy in his thirties arrived and took our orders, I was still in a stunned daze. That change of subject for a somewhat lighter topic had been a complete failure. His mother, wow. The table remained silent and the noise from the other tables swept over us. I had to wince at every laughter that came with it.

Then Wufei cleared his throat. He was the first to come out of his shock. He visibly gathered himself and asked the biggest question of the night, "Is she...?"

"Alive?" Heero finished for him and looked out the window next to us, watching the passing cars vanish into the night. For a moment he seemed to be lost in thought. Then his expression changed into a sad smile. Probably the saddest smile I had ever seen on his face. "No, unfortunately, not."

He took another sip of his beer. A minute of more odd silence came and passed. Silence seemed to be the keyword this evening. Then it seemed like Heero was collecting all his strength, when he suddenly cleared his throat and asked Wufei about his sword business and whether he was going to be in Japan at some point. Successfully changing the topic. Entirely. Quatre and I exchanged glances, but played along the conversation. It went on to Quatre's problems with some of his colleagues at the hospital and Trowa's rather funny experience with a drunk guy in the ambulance the other night. We talked about the situation at Howard's and the scrapyard and Hilde's plans to expand and ordered drinks with stronger and stronger alcoholic content. Somehow we managed to completely forget about the two previous topics.

By the time we decided to call it a night - Trowa was drunk to the gills - I had lost count on the number of Heero's beers. He didn't look more drunk than Wufei or Quatre. The latter, who was - as usual - our private taxi for the night. I was too drunk to trust my driving abilities, but not drunk enough to not find that strange. But then I thought about the 'perfect soldier' and that he should have a perfect liver, too, right?

"You're in practise?" I heard myself ask, "Didn't ever see you touch a beer on New Year's." I was more curious than concerned.

Heero finished his drink and looked at me. "I have a drink once in a while to fall asleep. Sometimes I can't calm down after long hours at the library or after some advanced course. Somebody recommend it to me. It's working quite well, actually."

Wufei looked at him. He studied Heero's face for a moment. What was he looking for? Maybe that was the same way he checked over swords before he bought them. "Don't make it a habit," he said finally and got up from his chair.

Heero looked confused. Or was it hurt? A shadow darted over his face. Then he made an effort to smile it off and nodded. He put on his coat and the five of us left the bar.

On the quiet ride back to the hotel I sat on the left side of the backseat with Wufei on the right and a softly snoring Trowa sandwiched between us. It wasn't that bad since Quatre had wisely chosen to take his favorite car - a rebuilt version of the ancient Ford Mustang. The Shelby coupe from long before the colonies. Equipped with latest technology, of course. And only a handful of people knew, its body was made of gundanium.

Heero sat in the passenger seat. I studied his silouette, occasionally lit-up by the yellowish glow of the streetlights. His shoulders were hunched and his hands were playing with the elastic bands of his coat, wrapping it up and down his right index finger. I had never seen him display tension like that. By the time we reached the hotel I was completely mesmerized. I was a bit startled when the car came to a sudden halt and Quatre asked us to hop out. Apparently, it was the same for Heero. His head shot up and he looked around. Our eyes locked and he blinked at me for a moment. Then he looked at the mess at his hands and smiled, somewhat embarrassed. I wanted to ask him about it, but Quatre urged us to get out.

We stayed at a venerable place in East Village called 'The Bowery Hotel'. As usual, Quatre had chosen and booked without really asking. And paid, too. He simply loved hospitality and generosity. It came so natural to him, it was almost scary. I bet his sisters kept scolding him for it. There weren't many NPO's without the fingerprints of the Winner-heir on them. I didn't dare ask the price for each suite. Quatre had booked on rather short notice. Two days before the party to be exact. And everything was rather fancy-looking with red-clad personnel, ceilings decorated with stucco and dark furniture.

"And make sure he doesn't get rid of his dinner on the way there. At least he's spared the upholstery," Quatre sighed through the half rolled down window and left for the back of the building to park his car. He would never have entrusted the doorman with it. That car was more than just a means of conveyance; it was his pet.

We reached our suites without causing any major trouble. Trowa had fallen over only twice! Impressive! I saved any sarcastic comments for the next morning and tried to put him in the lateral recumbent position. Hey, better safe than sorry, right? He neither objected nor really registered what was happening around him. Wufei stayed and waited for Quatre to take over. Heero and I went to our suite and started our preparations for the night. Wufei joined us about twenty minutes later, muttering vulgarities under his breath. I checked my watch; three am.

The suite consisted of two bedrooms, a living room and a bathroom with a jacuzzi. Wufei took the single bedroom and Heero and I shared the twin room. The neatly made beds looked like somebody was going to take a shot for one of those fancy magazines. Of course, Quatre's guestrooms were just as fancy, but since he owned them, I felt more at home there and never thought about the interior all that much.

Nearly stumbling while taking off my shoes, I made my way across the soft carpet. I stood next to the bed for a moment and sighed in appreciation. Queen-size, I love you! Then I took two steps backwards and jumped with a loud 'wohoo!', landing face first in a mountain of pillows. Like a little boy having free house. I felt eyes on me and turned around. Heero was sitting on the other bed. He dropped to the side, mimicking my action and buried his head in an equally fluffy pile of creme-white cushions. We both started to laugh. Our eyes locked again and he smiled. His face was slightly flushed. Ah, I thought, a little buzzed. Finally.

"That was a nice party," he breathed. "Thank you, Duo." He kicked off his shoes lazily and curled up, still facing me.

I couldn't help the thought, but there was something feminine about him. Despite his body of iron, his hands were delicate. Pretty even. Blaming it all on the last drink, I allowed myself to look at him with different eyes for a moment. Handsome, that was it. Heero was really handsome.

"I'm glad you were able to convince me," he said and smirked at my startled expression. "I know, you all think very little of me for my secrecy. And I'm really sorry, but I have my reasons." His attention shifted to his knees, where he was fumbling around with the seam of his pitch-black jeans. Again that little display of distress.  
"Nobody thinks little of you, Heero," I tried to assure him. I could tell that this wasn't the best moment to discuss his reasoning, but I couldn't help pushing my luck at least a little bit. I went on, "We are just worried. Friends worry about each other, you know. Especially, when they keep things from them. Important things."

He nodded and turned on his back. I did the same and looked up at the ceiling. The stucco had odd shadows in the dim light of the bedside lamp. It was like looking at the clouds through the eyes of a child. Some of the shadows looked like exploding bombs, others like silhouettes of faces. One reminded me of the open snout of a dragon. Another one looked like a shield. The shield of a knight. With a crest on it. You get the picture.

I yawned and suddenly had to imagine Heero in a knight's armor. A black knight's armor. The tassel on his helmet was whipping in the wind... He held his double-edged sword high up in the air. It was cold and the sky was grey and golden. For a split second there was the reflection of a white shadow. Heero turned around and looked directly into a giant red eye that was gleaming with fury. A huge white dragon was sitting in front of him with flailing wings. A ray of fire escaped its snout, forcing Heero to hide behind his shield. His sword darted forward, only to stop in midair. There was a nest next to the dragon and four eggs law there between a motley collection of bones, sand and burnt shreds of pelt. One of the eggs had just decided to crack. More and more parts of the shell fell off and a hand appeared, and an arm followed, and then a human head came out of the egg. It looked like... Wufei?

"Duo, it's after eleven. Get out of bed or I'll eat your pancakes," Wufei's head said.

"Let him sleep, Wufei, he doesn't get much these days," Heero countered and I woke up with a start.

I looked around the room and found Wufei with his hair down peeking through the half-open door. He had a cup of what seemed to be coffee in one hand and pointed at it with the other. I acknowledged the invitation with a grin and a nod and proceeded to get out of bed. When I tried to work my way from under the covers, I realized I wasn't under, but rather rapped in covers like a burrito. Apparently, I had fallen asleep in the middle, but somebody had been so nice to make sure I was warm without waking me. Amazing. I had always thought my hair-trigger-reflexes were no less then permanent. Hadn't I been absolutely sure that Quatre was sleeping in a different suite, I would have had to think that it was him who had tucked me in. Or wrapped me in? What ever... Wufei? No. But it couldn't have been Heero, right? That would have blasted all my believes about reality and the laws of nature. Wow, Heero, the host. There seemed to be more sides about him than I would ever have dared to imagine. I brushed my cloud of thoughts away and went to the bathroom to wash up and start the day.

Breakfast was just as great as dinner had been. Two tea wagons next to the dining table were practically bursting with food. There were eggs and pancakes, French toast, a selection of ham and cheese, jam, fruits and lots more. I always missed earth's great variety of foods. Not to insult Howard, because he really was a great cook. But foods on the colonies and in space never tasted as good as their terrestrial counterparts.

Howard...

Hell, we hadn't been talking for more than two weeks. Well, it wasn't the first time we fought, so we would get over it. The others knew about our recent trouble. But since we always fought over the same things, there wasn't much they could suggest anymore, besides leaving or giving in and take over the business. I wasn't ready for that step yet, though. Work with Howard had been rocky from the start, and we had tried nearly anything to make things work. It wasn't the same anymore - I wasn't that kid from nowhere anymore. I had friends, an attitude, my own ideas. I really tried to be, what he expected from me. I knew, he wanted my best and that I was the closest thing to a son had ever had. But maybe, maybe I would never be ready. I wasn't sure, whose heart would be hurting more, if things went down the drain.

"Duo, that's salt." I blinked at Wufei's comment and then looked at my spoon and my coffee.

"Thanks, man. Not among the living yet, I guess," I said apologetically and dry-washed my face. This daydreaming thing was becoming annoying to say the least. This wasn't our first party nor our first parting, not my first fight with Howard and probably not my last, so why the hell was I so weary? Was Heero's strange mood rubbing off on me? Not very smart, since I had planned to be his support. And one in a positive mood at that. The strange glances everybody had shot at me over my little coffee-drama told me, that if I wasn't careful, tables would turn. Soon.

Quatre and Trowa joined us somewhere in the middle of our little overindulgence, only to be followed by staff and another tea wagon. I was seriously wondering, if rich people managed anything else during the day beside eating breakfast, when Quatre announced, that he had intentions to go out for a stroll, before going to one of those stylish new places for lunch.

"You've got to be kidding! How on earth are we going to stomach any more food after this nutritional opulence?!" I exclaimed. Not even at one of his estates had we had meals like that. Mostly because we all got exactly the food, we wanted. Only for Christmas Quatre would lavish, but with the number of guests it was pretty understandable. I eyed my plate and then the plate with the pancakes and decided, I couldn't resist leaving them there. Alone and miserable. They had to join their family in my belly.

"The amount of food, you're able to eat, is not normal, Maxwell," Wufei stated.

Whoa! For a moment I thought I would choke on that large piece of pancake. But I managed to gulp it all down and looked at him over his cup of green tea. Before my face could give away any hints of my shock, I pushed it to the very back of my mind and plastered a grin over my mouth, that seemed to go all around my head. Not normal, not normal...

"Street-brat-trick!" I apologized. "We got hamster cheeks. Our Heero here would call that 'betsu bara', right?" Heero looked at me with an amused smirk and nodded.

"Nobody is expecting you to finish all this, Duo. It's just the way of this place to try to meet every need their guests might have." That statement from Quatre told me, that he had just read between the lines. Maybe, he could read people's minds word by word, after all.

"Hey, I know that! Just thinking that it's a waste," I answered, feeling a little defensive. Quatre must have felt that one, too, as he suddenly changed the topic and talked about some of the sights, we should visit.

We had been to New York as a group a couple of times, but we always went to the same places. Our trip to the 'Harlem Food Bar' had been a first to go to that neighborhood. Only Heero seemed to go there more often. I knew that he worked worldwide during holidays as Relena's part-time-bodyguard. She came to New York fairly often and asked him to bring her to more 'real' places. 'Real' compared to the fancy parties she usually had to attend. Together with all the other diplomats. Our little princess liked, well, slumming. Yeah, I know that's crazy. Especially if nearly everybody knew your face. But somehow Heero could never say 'no' to the girl. Well, now on the verge of starting his new life, those bodyguard jobs would become pretty rare. To be honest, that satisfied me a little. Yeah, yeah, I know it. I'm rotten to the core. Don't add insult to injury. But after Relena's involvement in Heero's education I wasn't very eager to see her push him again.

After a 'minor' argument between Quatre and Wufei, we finally decided to visit the Museum of Natural History. Those two could bring the temperature of a room down to way below the freezing point. It was approximately our tenth visit to the museum, but somehow the place never got boring. Especially the exhibition about changes in genotypes of animals on the colonies. It might sound like I have become a total snob, but the older I get the more I'm interested in history and biology. Only on a hobby-level, of course. I don't want to take Wu the Fei's place as the biggest nerd in history.

We took pictures, whenever the security cameras were directed elsewhere. I know that one of them later made it onto Quatre's huge desk. It shows Trowa in the thinker pose studying a brochure whilst standing next to, well, the thinker. Quatre could be such a kid.

A quick look at his watch, and Wufei announced, that it was after four and time to grab a snack. Trowa begged for mercy for his battered liver and refrained from taking part in anything beyond drinking chamomile tea. I warmed over some of my restrained comments from the night before and threw them at him. With a smile, of course. He retorted something equally sarcastic, but also apologized for his poor performance and promised to improve. That won him a small smile from his lover.

So we went to a tiny restaurant with a surprisingly large menu and ordered four pizzas for takeout. Since it was right next to the central park, I suggested to look for a bench there. A word and a blow. We found two benches, standing across from each other. They looked a little worn down, but comfortable. Wufei and I sat on the left and Heero, Quatre and Trowa on the right bench. The dense undergrowth gave us a little bit of privacy. And exactly that directly proved to be quite advantageous, as Trowa suddenly excused himself and jumped - in true acrobat's fashion - straight into the bushes. When he came back, about ten minutes later, his face was ashen, and his eyes were bloodshot. He didn't need to explain himself. We had heard his heaves pretty well. He looked like he needed some aspirin and a place to prop up his legs.

Not normal.

It felt like somebody had hit me. I stared at my pizza box.

Not normal.

I opened the lid and took a slice. Oil ran down the pepperoni and formed a drop at the pointed end. It fell and joined its friends on the ground.

Not normal.

I brought the slice to my mouth. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

Not normal.

I took a bite and the world stopped for a moment...

It was so good! I wolfed down the rest at high speed and took the next one.

Not normal.

And the next one.

Not normal!

And suddenly the box was empty.

Not... !

I looked up. Wufei and Quatre hadn't noticed anything. They were busy preaching Trowa, who looked like a toddler lost in a mall. But one person had noticed. Heero. Well, shit. He was watching me with wide eyes and it seemed like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. My cheeks became hot. I scratched the back of my head with my clean hand and stood up.

"I think, we should go back to the hotel. Trowa doesn't look like he can take it much longer." With all eyes on me now, I felt caught somehow, so I added with a grin, "have mercy, Q-man."

Quatre smiled at his old nickname and sighed, "Okay, okay, mercy before justice." He checked his watch. "It's time, anyways."

I threw the pizza box into the next best trash can and the five of us made our way back to the road.

Later in the car I had a very strong sense of déjà vu with Trowa's snoring in my ear again. The rest of the crew had taken their previous positions, too. The difference was that I didn't watch Heero. The latter of whom hadn't said much most of the day. I remembered that at about the same time tomorrow all of us would be heading back home or to work or wherever we had to go.

The business...

And I remembered that I had wanted to talk to Heero in private. Had! I wasn't so sure myself, whether I wanted to talk to him or not after the blanket-story and the Rocky Horror Pizza Show, he had just witnessed. But somehow I had the strong feeling, that I wouldn't get a chance to talk to him again so soon.

I didn't want the others to overhear our conversation, so I had to think of a way to be alone with Heero.

We arrived at the hotel and went to our suites to relax a little. I was trying to relax that is. The others had more important things on their minds, apparently. Heero was making some calls to Tokyo about his next and probably last job for Relena, while walking around, bowing every now and then. Wufei was trying to get a deal to sell another sword collection to a museum. Quatre had said, he was going to make some phone calls, too. But most likely he was doing a private little health checkup on Mr. B... And Mr. B on him. Gods, when two doctors form a couple...

In the middle of all that bustle, a call from the reception announced, that dinner was ready to dug in. Okay, my words, not theirs.

I felt the pizza in my stomach dance to some quiet tact. I knew, I could eat, but did my stomach know that, too? Back in space I wouldn't have the chance to eat food like we had had the last couple of days, I told myself. I could definitely make some space for more.

Not normal.

I froze. Then I searched my pocket for my phone, put on my headset and turned on some music.

Not normal.

So the music wasn't loud enough. I turned up the volume.

Not normal.

Fuck it! Louder!

"DUO!" and with a whoosh my headset was off. "What on earth has gotten into you?! Are you trying to get deaf?!"

I blinked at Wufei's concerned face.

"I've been calling you for minutes!" He grabbed my phone. "Gods, there's a warning message on your screen! Please don't tell me you've been torturing your ears that long!"

I shook my head, then nodded. Wufei mumbled something in Chinese and rubbed his face with his right hand in obvious exasperation. His left hand still clasped the thin headband of my headset.

"I just wanted to tell you that we would like to order dinner. They have an additional menu if you want to order something special." He beckoned me to follow him.

"Nah, I'm good. I bet, they have enough to feed a battalion." I got up from the armchair I had been sitting in and entered the living room.

Heero had already taken a seat and Trowa and Quatre had just entered. Like in the morning, they were followed by staff with dishes and silverware.

Not normal.

"Uhm, I think, I have to take a short walk before I can start dinner," I said, trying not to sound nervous. And failed miserably.

"Mind, if I join?" Heero got up and went straight for the door to the hallway.

"But don't stay out too long," Quatre urged a little disappointed. "We're kind of hungry and I thought, we could watch a movie or something. The hotel has just updated their database with hologram-makeovers of some black and white movies."

I waved at him apologetically and promised to be back within one hour.

Cigarettes. That was exactly what I needed. A whole box if necessary. I wasn't a 'typical smoker'. In fact, I hadn't been smoking for over a month. Not because I wanted to quit, but rather because I forgot about it. Yeah, I know it sounds strange, but that is how it was. Habits rarely stuck with me. This was more of an emergency situation, and I needed something to hold on to. Even if it was just a ciggy.

When I reached the red carpet in front of the hotel, Heero was standing next to a waiter, a glass of something sparkling in one hand, the other in his pocket. I took the chance and asked the man to show me the way to the next tobacco store, just to be told that they had a large collection of brands and types for free. For all-inclusive-customers. Quatre. And it looked like the whole hotel had been told to treat us like celebrities. We were, in a way. But not the 'sparkly' way. You get the picture. I suppressed the urge to chuckle and asked for my favorite brand. The waiter went back inside and showed up again, less than five minutes later, with a smile and my box of cigarettes. And even a lighter. Don't mess with the killer, sorry, Winner! Service, man, service! Heero returned his now empty glass, and we walked out into the streets of Manhattan.

"Want one?" I asked, holding the box out to him. As long as I had known him, Heero had been a nonsmoker, but that night he surprised me by accepting my offer. He first lit up my and then his cigarette, like had been doing it for ages. "You smoke?" I couldn't keep the astonishment out of my voice.

He took a drag and blew it in the air. Then he smiled and admitted, "Basically, I don't." He took another one. "Just like once every couple of months. It's relaxing. I might become a pipe-smoker, when I get old."

I had to laugh at that. The picture was just too hilarious. Heero joined in and I gave his arm a friendly nudge. We walked in silence for a while, blowing odd shapes of smoke into the evening sky.

We had been out for about fifteen minutes, when I realized, my chance had come. So I pulled myself together and asked, "Up for some talk?"

"Of course. What would you like to talk about?" He looked relaxed and unsuspecting, but he wasn't. Of course. This was Heero after all. I could already see the ticket for my next guilt trip fly towards me, since I was going to break his mood even further, when he said, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you, too."

"Okay," I said, though it sounded more like a question. Wow, that had been rather unexpected. "Go ahead." I gave him another cigarette, took one for myself, too, and waited for him to start.

"You know, I... I talked about that thing with my mother and OZ yesterday?" His choice of words had something very casual. He only did that when talking to me. And even then only when he wanted to imply that things were really, really private. At least, that was how it used to be. I didn't know, whether he had had anyone close at that mysterious university of his.

"It looks like she's got relatives in Japan. Living relatives. I could have looked further into the files, but they're secured. High-level security. Because of my stepfather's and my father's jobs." He took a drag and watched some of the ashes fall to the ground. Whoa, so now father, stepfather, mother and even more relatives? I suddenly hoped, I wasn't the only one he told this.

"I didn't want to break into stuff like that, if... Well, if it wasn't worth it. You know what I mean?" He searched my face for understanding. "Like it's some guy over ninety, completely oblivious to what's going on between the two great lights in the sky."

Had I rubbed off on him? That phrase could have been my line. Approved, with a stamp from Santa. I knew exactly, what he meant. Not through what he had said, but what he said between the lines. It didn't matter, who was there on the other side of the globe. What that person would think of him, once they knew, who Heero was, did. He didn't want to get hurt more. Non of us wanted. Or could. Things had changed so drastically within such a short period of time. But I couldn't really make out Heero's turning point. Where, when, how... Those missing pieces of utterly important information started to eat at me more by the moment. But again, I had to be careful. I didn't want to scare him off. Even though I would miss my own chance of talking about... Well, things.

"Why not just go for it then?" I asked and stepped on the stub of my cigarette. "What do you have to lose?"

"Don't really know." His expression said, he did.

"Well, give it a try. In the end, you still have us, right?" Somehow I wanted to say 'me'. Strange.

"Yes, I still have you," Heero said with a shy, little smile. And isn't it even stranger, that I caught myself wondering, whom he had meant?

We turned at some corner. The hotel was coming closer again, and the windows had a golden glow, that was much warmer than the sterile white of the streetlights.

"Sorry, I bet you to the punch," he said and slightly scratched his nose with his thump. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

And there came my chance! But actually, now that he had somewhat warmed up, I didn't want to risk poking around too much. Well, a little shouldn't hurt, right?

"I wanted to ask one last time, when you..." I had to do this carefully, "I mean, when will you be telling us a little more about 'things'?" I felt like I needed to make it sound more friendly. "Just for the record, you know," I added with a grin.

Heero sighed. Not the best sign, but at least he hadn't said 'no' straight.

"Would it be enough, if I told you, that I was planning to tell you on New Year's?" His tone was apologetic and he started to play with the lighter. "Do you think, you could wait for another seven months?"

Really? I had the urge to say 'fuck, no!', but I reminded myself of an old saying Sister Helen had used to lecture me with - little strokes fell big oaks. I just needed a little bit more patients. Seven months. A piece of cake! Okay, I think, back in the day, Lady Une would have strangled him by then. But rumor has it, even she has become more patient these days. But who trusts rumors, anyway?

"Hey, I take what ever I can get!" I said, chuckling.

We were back at the hotel and the familiar waiter was still walking around between guests. Though, he must have made another trip to the kitchen, since his tray of sparkling, fancy whatever was full again. Heero took another glass. Having felt in the right just moments ago, I now felt like a complete asshole. Had I really caused him enough tension to go and drown it in champagne? Great. Guilt trip, ahoy...

"Sorry, man," I patted his shoulder, "I didn't want to fuck up your mood." He looked at his drink, then back at me. Like he had just been caught in the act.

"No, no, it's not that!" Okay, wrong message... "It's not that! Well, not really." He sighed and dry-washed his face. If there was any record to break about making people sigh, I think, I might have done it by now. Heero chuckled. Hope, at last! I hadn't ruined everything. Yet. I knew my luck.

Heero's stomach rumbled. Of course. I hadn't really seen him eating all that much.

"Sounds like your drink would like to have some solid company." He rewarded my bad attempt at lightening the atmosphere with a nod and a warm smile and we went back to the suite. I made a mental note then to write down every single time this guy smiled. It was so strange and baffling and whatnot that it had me flustered whenever I saw it. Changes, boy, changes...

When we entered the living room, a guy talking to a woman in very old-fashioned clothing and with chalk-white skin walked straight 'through' me. Apparently, Trowa and Quatre were watching one of the old movies, that Quatre had been interested in.

If you have spent your entire life on L2 or in some particular countries on earth, you might not have had the chance to experience a private holo-player (1). They were closer to being affordable in Europe and southeast Asia. The rest of the world, though, either had a ban on them or your name had to be Winner to have the necessary spare change. The latter was the case for L2. There was some protectionism going on, I heard. Someone had their own products coming up. On L2. Wow.

We sat down at the dining table just as Humphrey Bogart dropped one of those famous phrases, "Of all the gin-joints in all the towns, in all the world..."

"...she walks into mine," I heard Wufei say and sigh. I blinked. Oops. Mr. bad-ass-sword-dealer had it bad. But for whom? Though we never really got to know any of his partners at the frontline de l'amour, I was hoping he had finally found 'her'. Going back to Sally didn't seem like an option. Gods, he would storm out of the room if somebody dared to just mentioned her. But maybe this little piece of remastered Hollywood had reestablished something long lost. Not that he would admit any of it. Yet.

I looked over to Heero and found him sighing, too. Though, his reasons had to be very different from Wufei's. At least, I thought they were. His mom, the relatives... Or could there have been something else? Just one more secret? Hell, for all I knew, the guy could be getting married to Relena in some property room at the embassy. Between meetings when nobody was watching. I felt tension rise up and tried hard to ignore it. Trust the guy, no matter what. He wouldn't do that to us, now would he? And it was hard to believe, that Relena was able to keep something like that to herself. Hilde would have heard about it and so... Well, shit.

The phone rang suddenly and Wufei went to pick it up. He announced that dinner would be brought in in ten minutes and took his seat back at the table.

Not normal.

I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. The towels had been replaced and the room smelled of lavender. The sink was enormous and I felt like a little boy as I put my hands under the ice-cold stream of tap water.

Not normal.

Maybe my face needed a little washing up, too. I felt wide awake when it hit me and realized, that both my hands and knees were shaking slightly. Not enough for anyone to notice, but enough for me to feel it. What the hell was wrong with me? I looked at the guy in the mirror and he looked tired, worn out even. Was all the fighting taking its toll? But I was a man! A freaking ex-pilot of a goddamn gundam! I wasn't supposed to go down with a boo-boo like some weakling, because I had one of my... unpleasant moods. I would have to face Howard very soon and I had work to do and schedules to meet. I had people who needed me. Heero was one of them.

"Get your shit together!" I muttered to the ashen face looking back at me and got ready to join the others.

When I looked at all the food that greeted me there, I wondered for a moment, if that had been the main reason for us to meet; just gorge ourselves and fill the time between the blowouts with meaningless banter. Then I thought about Quatre paying for all this, about friends enjoying each others company. And then I thought about Heero and how I and nobody else had nearly dragged him here to celebrate something, that he didn't seem entirely proud of. And finally I thought, that I was a complete asshole for being so selfish.

"Everything alright?" Quatre asked and smelled at some expensive red wine. He squinted at me over the rim of his glass, making his own assumptions. The guy was psychic. No shit. But I knew that several people in the same room, especially the presence of his boyfriend and the expectation of food could distract him remarkably. And the fact that he was trying to block out people most of the time those days was hiding my little malaise rather conveniently. Being a future shrink and shit he had to keep his own mind safe. Maybe, I could have asked him for some kind of advice, but I didn't want to bother him. And I wasn't interested in the collective attention of the whole pack. Not when things I wanted to keep to myself threatened to break through. I faked stretching, took a deep breath in the process to center myself and sat down with the others. Quatre raised an eyebrow at me and I realized, he was still waiting for my answer.

"I'm good. Just thinking about work." I wasn't lying, just not telling the whole tale.

"Is that Howard's new nickname?" Trowa snickered. Great. It seemed, Trowa had taken it upon himself to finish my tale.

"Thank you, Einstein." I shot him a glare. The guy was seriously pissing me of.

"Are you two finished?" Wufei said with a calm, but firm voice. "I'd like to start dinner, and I'd like to enjoy it."

We were quiet, while the hologram of Ingrid Bergman seemed to fill the whole suite with her presence. For the rest of the movie we ate in silence.

When the next movie started, we were still eating. I hadn't really looked up from my plate and hadn't been watching the movie either. My appetite was somewhere between L2 and the sun, but I kept eating and eating, loading all kinds of food on my plate without ever noticing what it was.

Not normal.

I flinched. Heero cleared his throat and asked me to pass him the salt. At least, I thought he had said 'salt'. It could have been 'poop', 'plumber' or 'Papa Bear', for all I cared. I handed it over to him and made the mistake to look into his eyes. Had I mentioned about the turning tables? Well, never mind. There was pure concern in them. And a good portion of confusion. I decided then and there, that I couldn't take this right now. As pathetic as that might seem to anybody else, I had the urge to hide somewhere far away and dark. I announced my sudden desire to take a shower and just left the room.

"Fuck!" I hissed when I locked the bathroom door behind me, nearly breaking the key. I felt like I was in the wrong body. Everything was suddenly completely surreal. Like I could punch through the wall and see it turn into the set of some weird soap opera. There was enough tension in my body to make it shake like a leaf. I was starting to sweat, but felt incredibly cold.

Not normal.

How much had I actually eaten? I neither felt full nor satisfied. Just about to explode. My solar plexus was a ball of braided steel. A numbness and a line of goosebumps crept down my spine. It suddenly seemed the only logical conclusion to sit down on the toilet lid as opposed to falling on my ass there and then. The tension in my stomach grew unbearable, while the numbness nearly took my every strength. Bile rose in the back of my mouth and I just barely made it off the lid to open it, as a wave of nausea hit me and the complete collection of my dinner came back to light in a multicolored jet. I collapsed butt first onto the tiled floor, trying to catch my breath. I should have felt awfuI, but instead felt oddly relieved. Not only my earlier meal had left me, no, the tension had vanished, too. Most of it, at least. A tiny voice suggested, that maybe, an even better result could be achieved by lending a helpful hand to Mr. Gag Reflex. Or better a finger. Or two. I ignored any screaming alert of my conscience, harsh remarks on my sanity that popped up in my brain, and slid my index finger down my protesting tong.

When I came back to the living room, showered and dressed in simple room wear, I smiled at my friends' curious faces and enjoyed the rest of the evening laughing and joking. Just being a little more tired than usual.

TBC...

(1) I really know nothing about technology, so sorry if this one sounds ridiculous to you. I thought some old-school VCR would be pathetic in the future, so their had to be something more, well, suitable. I hope, it can do the trick... *goes hiding under some ugly rock*

A/N: God, I can't believe it! It's done! Well, the chapter... But the next one won't take that long! I've been writing a lot recently, so chances are high, I'm going to update again soon.

So, how did you like it? Give me some feedback, if you feel like it. Love ya! ^ ^v


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